Just one more day...

Just one more day. Today I have a test, then two midterms, and then a final, and then at around 4pm, I will finally be free of the chains of education for the summer. … It’s really not that bad, it’s just that I crammed all of my finals and midterms into the last week so I could go on the AIDS/LifeCycle again. Let me tell you though. This charity bicycle ride is more then worth the efforts, the emotional experience I get from it each year is like no other. It’s almost like it recharges my batteries so I can handle another year until it comes around again. Packing tonight, work tomorrow, then heading for San Francisco Friday morning! Yey!

Dream Diary - The Boy and the Spirit

Dream Diary - The Boy and the Spirit

I had a pretty wild and vivid dream last night, so I wanted to share it here. Hopefully I can remember all the parts and explain it correctly.

The story starts in a Harry Potter like setting. A special school set up in a large castle, were the young students have specific studies. The main character is a wiz with electronics and builds a small hand held electronic device that produces an energy bubble, almost force field like, about 7 feet in diameter, and about 20 to 30 feet in front of him. His friend and he decide to try it out by having the friend stand were the bubble will appear and turning it on. Once inside the activated bubble, they experiment with moving around, realizing that they can move at the same pace and keep the friend inside the bubble. They start running down the large gothic hallway, going faster and faster until they are running as fast as they can, the friend in the bubble and him behind with the controller.

Inside this castle school is a large cylindrical chamber, with a stone bridge spanning the middle supported at both ends and without railings. The chamber itself is well over 300 feet across, and has a perfectly domed ceiling, but seemingly no floor as it is too dark to see it. In their efforts to run as fast as they can, our two friends find themselves in the middle of this chamber without realizing it. Once our main character, in the back with the controller, realizes were he is and stops running, pausing at the center of the bridge, while his friend runs on with out realizing he lost his follower. As he stands there, he takes a peak over the edge, but looses his balance and falls. Just in time he is able to grab the edge, only to slip. Instantly, he uses the sphere producing electronic device he has, but it only teases him by holding him there for a moment before he falls for the last time, disappearing in a flash of green light.

The occupant of this room is something very similar to an Ent, the large tree folk from Lord of the Rings, looking like a large tree with a couple small human features. Our main character finds himself possessing this Ent, but on a spiritual level, not the physical side, turning him into a free floating spirit.

The dream then cuts to a scene outside of the castle school, in a city nearby, where our spirit is watching people run though their day with out being seen. He watches as a criminal and his friend commit a crime, but as the criminal tries to escape our spirit stops him with a physically disabling blow, but also reveals himself in the process. The spirit hits the friend so hard that he ends up in the back seat of a nearby car, but is still conscious. Then as the spirit resumes his attention on the first criminal, the second one manages to shoot him with some kind of large caliber weapon from the backseat. The spirit disappears and the first criminal thanks his friend for saving him. Then the dream ends, without knowing what happened to the main character / spirit.

16mm Film Project

So I finally got the film converted to DVD, and now have finally gotten it onto the computer where I can actually do something with it. Here is a fun little chapter from it. 1955, florida at the beach.

Oh god and I thought

Oh god and I thought it would be over soon…

To do list: final exam, sleep, work, dentist, auto shop, back to work, home, sleep, school, home, study, sleep, work, sleep, school, study, weekend!, study, sleep, work, sleep, test, double midterm then final, then done!!!!

I hate school, life used to be so much easier: work, relax, and sleep. That was it.

Aussie Trip '99 (Later Entries)

Found some more, these entries are dated and I didn't really see anything too incriminating in them. It's an interesting look into my past, so well, enjoy! Once again, I didn't edit anything, even left all the obvious spelling mistakes. - "Future" Ken

---

This is kind of a diary of my thoughts and experiences... I wonder how often I will remember to write in it. It also kind of consists of my musings and maybe story lines that I think in my head and need a place to write down.

Thursday, August 26, 1999

About 11:00 am
Sitting in class I can’t fail to notice a massive headache that has befallen me. So I ask a friend for Panadol and go get a drink of water. Since the water seemed to help a little, I was happier on the way back to class. As I pass two girls I smile at them only to here one say to her friend, “That guy is smiling at me” and her friend reply with a single comment: “Wanker.” (Being called a ‘wanker’ is a form of distaste toward some one.) Now, I though I was just being nice and giving someone a smile... but I guess this society has deteriorated further then I knew. Gee, when a guy can’t smile and show that he is happy, it is a sad world to live in.
I also felt like showing them a bit of my sign language skills, but they were facing the other way.

About 11:40 am
At this moment all I can feel is a BANG! .... BANG! ... BANG!, as a blood vessel pulses against the side of my head.... I guess that water and Panadol didn’t really heap my headache.

At 11:50 am
I am just looking at the coding technique called ‘Gödelized language’, it seems that it would be quite easy to create a program that would incode the message, but that it might be a small problem to decode it.... this is the same thing that the book said.


Friday, August 27, 1999

Life is strange. In the entire first seventeen years of my life, I was always a loner… or at least I felt like a loner. I remember the schools in the USA; you always had to prove yourself one way or another. For some people they were naturally popular in primary school, and it carried on to their further schooling years.

Looking back on it now, I see a few things that would have helped for making me more popular or liked by my peers. Then again, at this moment in time I kind of like the way life has turned out. Like they say, you have 20-20 vision in hindsight.

Anyway, what I was driving at is that when everyone around you knows who you are and what you were in the past, you have little chance of changing their views. Then, when you move to a new place where no one knows you, you have a chance to be who you truly are with out the criticisms from people about past experiences.

I am basing these observations both on personal experiences and on the other people I see around me. For me, I wasn’t necessarily a “loser”, but I most defiantly was not extremely popular. By the time senior year in high school came around, I might have known quite a few people but that was only because I have lived in the same place my whole life. I think I had only gone on one date much less ever had a ‘relationship’, and I had been to very few parties.

With this all added up, it is easy to see why I found it easy to get up and leave it all for a chance of a lifetime. I heard about the opportunity to go to Australia when half listening to the school announcements. Since I left halfway through year 12, I missed Prom, Winter Formal, Graduation, parties, grad night and much more. The thing is that I wouldn’t have known who to take to prom and winter formal, and I never knew how to act at parties. While graduation and other events are only a small sacrifice for a year in another country.

I am currently seven or eight months into my exchange program, and so far it has been wonderful compared to my ‘old life’. I have been able to act without restrictions, not having to worry about what parents will think or if they will find out about things that I do. At this age I am almost a legal adult, and I feel like I can experience life without worrying about what my parents think or having them worrying over me. Also, I have been able to experience life for what it has to offer. I have found that it is possible to enjoy the here and now with out wishing it being another time or place.

As I am writing this I get a slight feeling of rambling on, but that is how I have decided to write this diary. I am doing it this way because it allows me to write done my thoughts easier. Plus, very few people will read this aside form myself… I hope.


Monday, August 30, 1999

Dear Ken’s diary,

Hey- I’m Kris. I wonder if he’s said anything ‘bout me…. Hmmmm. Well, I’m a ‘them’, as will Ken be again- even if he doesn’t think so yet- I have my ways…. *raises eyebrows*

Ken’s being a smart arse. Let’s ignore him- shall we??? Okay- so you kinda can’t. But will- mark me words.

Hmmmmmmmm. SMART ARSE ALERT!!! *giggles on the inside, while keeping a straight face*

The person over there ---( looks like a gal I knew in Perth that died. She even has the same name- so I’m spooked. She has shorter hair though. I guess if you’d came back from the dead, you’d cut your hair too, huh??

Ken’s still being a SMART ARSE!! AUGHHHHHHHH!!! (It is spelt ASS -ken) SEE???

Bye!!

Love, Miss Kriss. Xxoooo.


Tuesday, August 31, 1999

Kristen Brown, a Morman girl that goes to my school, made yesterday’s diary entry. (She is the only Morman teenager in a one hundred-kilometer radius of the area). I guess I am seeing her, well like we are REALLY good friends but we also do things that couples do like kissing and teasing each other and that type of thing. So, yea we are going out with each other.

She used to live in Perth where she was active in the church but when she moved to Sale with such a small congregation, she went inactive. That’s why I like her because even though she is now going back a little, she knows what it is like outside and in with the church. Not very many, if any, people know just what it is like to rebel after growing up LDS, but she does. We just have so much that we are able to talk about and she is the one girl that I know that I can feel completely comfortable around.


Wednesday, September 01, 1999

(Edited on Monday, 6 September 1999)
Life can be so confusing… hmm, I wonder if I am even able to explain. [SNIP!] Oops! Sorry, that’s where I cut out all that wonderful stuff that I really wish I could just forget… like that small party at Jenny Clines… So I cut out my entry. I hope my future self will forgive me. =P~~

What I really feel like right now is that quote by Isaac Asimov: “There never can be a man so lost as one who is lost in the vast and intricate corridors of his own lonely mind, where none may reach and none may save.” Maybe I will be able to save myself from all this some day… who knows.

Krissi wrote me a letter today, we exchange them on almost a daily basis. She says, “I just hope you won’t try to hard to know me. I like privacy…” then “I don’t wanna move to fast – coz I’ve made too many mistakes that way.” Man, she needs privacy? She doesn’t wanna move to fast because of past mistakes? Just look at me. It seems that I can never get a relationship where we have things in common and we understand each other… but I guess that it what every human looks for, is it not? To tell the truth, I am jealous of Jeff Mallows with Treasa… talk about having things in common, they are exactly the same aside form being opposite sex. Life sucks.

That’s what I really want out of this relationship, is a friend. Someone who will take me for who I am, not pry in to my past unless I offer it up freely, and someone who will just be my friend.
Now, I just need to write her a letter saying that…

Moving on…
In the same letter from Krissi, she said, “She (her friend Nell) told me not to walk away from you – coz you’re a nice guy and we are good together.” Why is it that every girl I run into tells me that I am a nice guy? What is it that I am doing that gets that idea into their heads? A lot of times I just can’t see myself as a very nice guy.


Monday, September 06, 1999

Hmm… looks like I missed a few days… oops! Well, maybe I will get better at it, or maybe I will just slack off more. I seem to be good at that: slacking off.

Krissi called my today… she said that felt that it would be best if we didn’t go out. I REALLY hate life sometimes, you know? I also hate psychoanalyzing myself, which is what I have been doing lately. Maybe I am just a true blue psycho-maniac. *Small grin*

So anyway, what was it I was going to write about?

I went and passed out resumes for more jobs today… but then I discussed my money situation with Robin, and I might just be able to last for a little longer with out working… if I don’t drink, don’t eat, and don’t sleep. But hey, I’m used to that.

Seriously, I can last a few months with the money I have, since room and boarding are provided for. I only have 4 more months to go.

I called my mom and dad this morning. I was just a same old conversation for me, but they seemed to enjoy it, so it was good I guess. The letter that I read after was more interesting. Mark Manrow has turned gay and tried to hit on Russell… weird! I must say, it gave me a bit of a shock. To think that the guy that used to give me a ride to school after seminary is gay. But him being gay is not THAT big of a deal… its more that he turned gay after having a wonderful and loving family, but I guess the most surprising thing is that he tried to pick up on my BROTHER! Weird!

Oh well, life goes on. For other people at least.

Aussie Trip '99 (Earlier Entries)

Found this on one of my backup CDs from back in 99. It’s funny how writing styles change, it was hard for me to keep myself from editing this.

Dated: January 23, 1999

My Aussie Trip

Prelude

I am on an foreign exchange program to Eastern Victoria, Australia. It will last a year, during which I will attend grade 12 at Sale College. I will be staying in Bundalaguah, which is somewhere in Eastern Victoria. The Eastern Victoria Region covers the area between Melbourne to the eastern coast, to make a slice-of-a-pie shaped area.

My family is only a temporary one, I was the last person leaving the States for Australia to receive a family, and I barely got my visa in time. I will be staying with Robin and Barry Wain. At first I thought that they lived in the outback, but they really are just a little out of town, on a fifty acre farm. This is a small farm, on which they raise ostriches and cattle for a hobby. They have one girl, Lisa, who is 21, and one boy, Ben, who is 19. Both live in town at the moment, though Lisa is planning to move a bit farther away because she feels like she knows to many people in town. She has gone on an exchange program to Bolivia, and the Wain’s have hosted students form Italy and Finland.

The AFS students to Australia had to meet at the Hacienda Hotel at LAX, for a day and a half orientation. This is where my parents had to drop me off for good and say goodbye. The first day’s meetings went great, even though I was hungry half the time because of missing lunch, from arriving too late. We had to share the two bed hotel rooms with four people, so instead of sleeping we had a big party with about ten people in there, and I only got about an hour and a half sleep. The next day, we had more meetings, with a rushed departure to the Airport, only to wait after checking in for about two hours.

A funny point when we where trying to get to the gate was with Mitch, one of my room mates, who likes to do magic tricks, and the bag with his magic stuff was his carry-on. One of his magic tricks was to separate three one foot wide medal rings that are interlinked. Well LAX security didn’t like this very much, and after it went through the x-ray machine, he had to sit there for thirty minuets unpacking the whole bag before they were happy. At this same time I was a bit baffled as to what the security lady was doing to my bag, because she took this little tool, with a bit of cloth on the end, and ran in over the zippers and the bag straps. When I asked her about it she told me that she was checking for explosives, which just proves that maybe LAX does have good security after all.

The flight went reasonably well, I fell asleep as soon as I got on the plane, and managed to get nine hours of sleep in. They were showing three movies, but I only watched one, which was titled ‘What Dreams May Come’, and was a very good one. I slept through ‘Ants’ and the other one which I can’t remember the name of. There wasn’t much to see for most of the flight, because it was dark when we left LAX, and it remained so until about three hours from Sydney. I didn’t get to take any pictures out the window, because we were seated right in the middle, and the wing was in the way. Plus the only good picture would have been of the sun rise through the clouds, but there was too much turbulence half the time and the other half I was still asleep.

We (AFS US) waited to be the last ones off the plane so that we didn’t get separated in the rush. The first thing was to get our passports checked, then we went to retrieve our cargo, which took about thirty minuets, and since mine was near the end, I was kind of nervous during that time. But luckily mine weren’t lost and I don’t think anyone else’s was either. Next came customs, we all dreaded this, we all had something small or stupid in our bags that we thought customs might question. (I was carrying a tool set to fix computers with, in my cargo bag). We walked past some lady, handed her the questioner that we filled out on the plane, and then around the corner was the AFS Australia people… what happened to customs?!? We figured that they must have waved us past knowing that we were AFS students.

The AFS Australia people then divided us up, some being rushed off for an immediate flight, others givens tickets for later flights (me), this was the majority, while the last few had to wait with AFS for their families that lived nearby. The people who were going to be taking the later domestic flights all had to go and check in luggage, then we all got on a bus to go to the domestic airport, which was right next door to the international one. Surprisingly no AFS volunteer come with us! They had told us all that there would be a volunteer with us from the time we arrived at LA, to the time we meet our new family. Oh well, we didn’t have any problems finding our separate gates, (at least I didn’t), and by this time, there was only one other AFSA student with me. We went and got our money exchanged, then came back and got on our separate busses to go out to our planes, with a final wave good bye that made her the last AFS US student I saw.

The bus took the small amount a people, about 12, to the plane. I wasn’t surprised when we stopped in front of a little dual propeller plane. After we got on, I figured that it must hold about 36 people, and like I said, it was only a third full, so if we got crummy seats there would be no problem with us changing (aside that it might unbalance the plane a little). At least it was part of a large airline company, so it seams a bit safer. When we took off we had quite a view, and its too bad that I only took one or two pictures of it, but at least I had a few more during the rest of the flight. We landed in Albury to let off a few people and to refuel, then the only other stop was Traralgon, where my family meet me, about 45 minuets from my new home.

Fusarium keratitis... With a name like that...

Fusarium keratitis... With a name like that, it couldn't be bad... could it?

I found out yesterday that I am using a product that has been found to causes eye fungus, or "Fusarium keratitis". In case you are not following, using Bausch & Lomb's ReNu® with
MoistureLoc® may cause eye infections which can lead to scaring of the cornea and possibly even blindness. Yey, for me!

Needless to say, I switched solutions and even switched to my next pair of disposable contacts a little early. The symptoms include blurry vision, pain or redness, increased sensitivity to light and excessive discharge from the eye. Well, how much discharge is excessive? I've had some itching in my eyes, and after rubbing the itch leads to pain and redness, does that count? Going to pester my doctor anyway...

"The End Of Oil"

Don't Fuck With Me

That's what I got out of this photo:

Unknown Vow of Love

Don’t profess your love to a head-hunter’s wife on their wedding night, who knows what could happen.

To each their own...

career choices

It's funny... and kind of egotistical of me, but I know there are lots of things out there I could do REALLY well... like media editing for example... but I feel like I am better then that, like I can do better then that.

Maybe because it has been ingrained into me that life is supposed to be challenging; so anything that comes to me easily, can't be good enough as a career.

Bored and Tired

Bored and Tired of being sick… so what better to do? Blog.

Just a little ranting/updating.

Never mind on the ranting… forgot it was my new thing to not complain. As much.

So I met my future husband… and then I think I scared him off. Probably messaged him to much after our first, and so far only, date. He seems like a nice down to earth guy. Hard worker, about my same height and build, some of the same interests… I decided I could use a relationship; I need the anchor right now.

If it works out, I will keep the blog posted… until then… back to trying to get rid of the cold I picked up.

A True World Traveller

Ride my bike for 40 years? Sounds like a plan.

My Grandfather!

This is a recording of my father's father, telling a story about how he rode an unbroken horse when he was only 9 years old. The children in the back ground are my 3 older brothers and my older sister. The youngest is one year old during this, and I am 5 years younger then him. So this was taped about 4 years before I was born; actually, it was four years, one month and two days before I was born, but who's counting?

Boiling over with excitement

Boiling over with excitement

I can’t contain it… practically bouncing off the walls. I have always wished I had known my grandfathers, and now finally I have found a way to do it. I just finishing having over 3 hours of 16mm film transferred to DVD, and I will be getting it in the mail on Thursday! On top of that though, I just one cassette tape of my grandfather and grandmother telling stories about their youth, another of a relative telling her memories of my great grandfather and another of my other grandmother! I can’t wait to get them into digital form and sit down and listen to them.

For once I am totally excited about the upcoming family reunion…. I have something to contribute, and it is really exciting!

The Robot

random desk adjustment

I just decided that my desk needed to be just a little bit higher… so while sitting at my desk, I reach off to my left and open my tool box. Pulling out a 19mm monkey wrench, I climb under my desk and proceed to loosen and readjust the legs on my desk, while it is still fully loaded with stuff. Keep in mind, my desk is fully custom designed and built as one of my many weekend projects. It is made to 2 inch steel tubing with expanded metal surfaces. It weighs around 100 lbs, so supporting the weight and lifting it that “little bit” is no easy task.

It’s much better now: a tall guy like me needs the extra leg room. Like I have said before, I am not your typical gay.

Here it is a few months back.... just take off all the books, the top shelf, and about half the clutter, and you have my desk as it is now.

Repeat after me

Repeat after me:
“School is my hobby and my hobby is school. All other hobbies become less interesting when faced with the chance to learn. School is my hobby and my hobby is school. All I want to do is get a degree. School is my hobby and my hobby is school. Unlike other hobbies, I must focus my time on school. School is my hobby and my hobby is school. Spare time gets devoted to studying and every office hour gets used. School is my hobby and my hobby is…”