Aussie Trip '99 (Later Entries)

Found some more, these entries are dated and I didn't really see anything too incriminating in them. It's an interesting look into my past, so well, enjoy! Once again, I didn't edit anything, even left all the obvious spelling mistakes. - "Future" Ken

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This is kind of a diary of my thoughts and experiences... I wonder how often I will remember to write in it. It also kind of consists of my musings and maybe story lines that I think in my head and need a place to write down.

Thursday, August 26, 1999

About 11:00 am
Sitting in class I can’t fail to notice a massive headache that has befallen me. So I ask a friend for Panadol and go get a drink of water. Since the water seemed to help a little, I was happier on the way back to class. As I pass two girls I smile at them only to here one say to her friend, “That guy is smiling at me” and her friend reply with a single comment: “Wanker.” (Being called a ‘wanker’ is a form of distaste toward some one.) Now, I though I was just being nice and giving someone a smile... but I guess this society has deteriorated further then I knew. Gee, when a guy can’t smile and show that he is happy, it is a sad world to live in.
I also felt like showing them a bit of my sign language skills, but they were facing the other way.

About 11:40 am
At this moment all I can feel is a BANG! .... BANG! ... BANG!, as a blood vessel pulses against the side of my head.... I guess that water and Panadol didn’t really heap my headache.

At 11:50 am
I am just looking at the coding technique called ‘Gödelized language’, it seems that it would be quite easy to create a program that would incode the message, but that it might be a small problem to decode it.... this is the same thing that the book said.


Friday, August 27, 1999

Life is strange. In the entire first seventeen years of my life, I was always a loner… or at least I felt like a loner. I remember the schools in the USA; you always had to prove yourself one way or another. For some people they were naturally popular in primary school, and it carried on to their further schooling years.

Looking back on it now, I see a few things that would have helped for making me more popular or liked by my peers. Then again, at this moment in time I kind of like the way life has turned out. Like they say, you have 20-20 vision in hindsight.

Anyway, what I was driving at is that when everyone around you knows who you are and what you were in the past, you have little chance of changing their views. Then, when you move to a new place where no one knows you, you have a chance to be who you truly are with out the criticisms from people about past experiences.

I am basing these observations both on personal experiences and on the other people I see around me. For me, I wasn’t necessarily a “loser”, but I most defiantly was not extremely popular. By the time senior year in high school came around, I might have known quite a few people but that was only because I have lived in the same place my whole life. I think I had only gone on one date much less ever had a ‘relationship’, and I had been to very few parties.

With this all added up, it is easy to see why I found it easy to get up and leave it all for a chance of a lifetime. I heard about the opportunity to go to Australia when half listening to the school announcements. Since I left halfway through year 12, I missed Prom, Winter Formal, Graduation, parties, grad night and much more. The thing is that I wouldn’t have known who to take to prom and winter formal, and I never knew how to act at parties. While graduation and other events are only a small sacrifice for a year in another country.

I am currently seven or eight months into my exchange program, and so far it has been wonderful compared to my ‘old life’. I have been able to act without restrictions, not having to worry about what parents will think or if they will find out about things that I do. At this age I am almost a legal adult, and I feel like I can experience life without worrying about what my parents think or having them worrying over me. Also, I have been able to experience life for what it has to offer. I have found that it is possible to enjoy the here and now with out wishing it being another time or place.

As I am writing this I get a slight feeling of rambling on, but that is how I have decided to write this diary. I am doing it this way because it allows me to write done my thoughts easier. Plus, very few people will read this aside form myself… I hope.


Monday, August 30, 1999

Dear Ken’s diary,

Hey- I’m Kris. I wonder if he’s said anything ‘bout me…. Hmmmm. Well, I’m a ‘them’, as will Ken be again- even if he doesn’t think so yet- I have my ways…. *raises eyebrows*

Ken’s being a smart arse. Let’s ignore him- shall we??? Okay- so you kinda can’t. But will- mark me words.

Hmmmmmmmm. SMART ARSE ALERT!!! *giggles on the inside, while keeping a straight face*

The person over there ---( looks like a gal I knew in Perth that died. She even has the same name- so I’m spooked. She has shorter hair though. I guess if you’d came back from the dead, you’d cut your hair too, huh??

Ken’s still being a SMART ARSE!! AUGHHHHHHHH!!! (It is spelt ASS -ken) SEE???

Bye!!

Love, Miss Kriss. Xxoooo.


Tuesday, August 31, 1999

Kristen Brown, a Morman girl that goes to my school, made yesterday’s diary entry. (She is the only Morman teenager in a one hundred-kilometer radius of the area). I guess I am seeing her, well like we are REALLY good friends but we also do things that couples do like kissing and teasing each other and that type of thing. So, yea we are going out with each other.

She used to live in Perth where she was active in the church but when she moved to Sale with such a small congregation, she went inactive. That’s why I like her because even though she is now going back a little, she knows what it is like outside and in with the church. Not very many, if any, people know just what it is like to rebel after growing up LDS, but she does. We just have so much that we are able to talk about and she is the one girl that I know that I can feel completely comfortable around.


Wednesday, September 01, 1999

(Edited on Monday, 6 September 1999)
Life can be so confusing… hmm, I wonder if I am even able to explain. [SNIP!] Oops! Sorry, that’s where I cut out all that wonderful stuff that I really wish I could just forget… like that small party at Jenny Clines… So I cut out my entry. I hope my future self will forgive me. =P~~

What I really feel like right now is that quote by Isaac Asimov: “There never can be a man so lost as one who is lost in the vast and intricate corridors of his own lonely mind, where none may reach and none may save.” Maybe I will be able to save myself from all this some day… who knows.

Krissi wrote me a letter today, we exchange them on almost a daily basis. She says, “I just hope you won’t try to hard to know me. I like privacy…” then “I don’t wanna move to fast – coz I’ve made too many mistakes that way.” Man, she needs privacy? She doesn’t wanna move to fast because of past mistakes? Just look at me. It seems that I can never get a relationship where we have things in common and we understand each other… but I guess that it what every human looks for, is it not? To tell the truth, I am jealous of Jeff Mallows with Treasa… talk about having things in common, they are exactly the same aside form being opposite sex. Life sucks.

That’s what I really want out of this relationship, is a friend. Someone who will take me for who I am, not pry in to my past unless I offer it up freely, and someone who will just be my friend.
Now, I just need to write her a letter saying that…

Moving on…
In the same letter from Krissi, she said, “She (her friend Nell) told me not to walk away from you – coz you’re a nice guy and we are good together.” Why is it that every girl I run into tells me that I am a nice guy? What is it that I am doing that gets that idea into their heads? A lot of times I just can’t see myself as a very nice guy.


Monday, September 06, 1999

Hmm… looks like I missed a few days… oops! Well, maybe I will get better at it, or maybe I will just slack off more. I seem to be good at that: slacking off.

Krissi called my today… she said that felt that it would be best if we didn’t go out. I REALLY hate life sometimes, you know? I also hate psychoanalyzing myself, which is what I have been doing lately. Maybe I am just a true blue psycho-maniac. *Small grin*

So anyway, what was it I was going to write about?

I went and passed out resumes for more jobs today… but then I discussed my money situation with Robin, and I might just be able to last for a little longer with out working… if I don’t drink, don’t eat, and don’t sleep. But hey, I’m used to that.

Seriously, I can last a few months with the money I have, since room and boarding are provided for. I only have 4 more months to go.

I called my mom and dad this morning. I was just a same old conversation for me, but they seemed to enjoy it, so it was good I guess. The letter that I read after was more interesting. Mark Manrow has turned gay and tried to hit on Russell… weird! I must say, it gave me a bit of a shock. To think that the guy that used to give me a ride to school after seminary is gay. But him being gay is not THAT big of a deal… its more that he turned gay after having a wonderful and loving family, but I guess the most surprising thing is that he tried to pick up on my BROTHER! Weird!

Oh well, life goes on. For other people at least.