Funky New Job

January 4th 2010: Started my first day at my new job. By the end of the weekend (i worked my first weekend), I felt like complete crap. I was burnt out, wondering what the hell I got myself into and why I thought it was a good idea to leave my old job behind. I was suffering from major mental overload trying to deal with all the new ideas and processes, and it just was not fun.

 

Over the course of my second and third weeks, things really slowed down and I had a chance to catch up with myself. I knew there would still be some adjusting to have happen, and I figured I would eventually fall in and life would be cool again.

 

Now, almost 2 full months of working the new job... I am back to wondering what the heck I did. Oh sure, I am making more money, doing less work but life just isn't as cut and dry, isn't as simile as it was before.

 

I seemed to have fallen into a funk and I just don't know how to get out. I am aggravated over small things that I feel are out of my control, when in reality, if I learned how to fix it, I could solve it and be happy... but I just don't give a shit. I don't want to learn about it. This is my third job in this industry and I think it will be my last, I don't like doing this work, I don't like dealing with people in the way I need to. I would rather be doing what I love and not make a profit... if only I could pay the mortgage doing it, I would be set.

 

I figure I have about 5 years doing this, my goal by then is to have a business plan together, the money saved and finally be able to go into business for myself. I might be on anti-stress medication and ADD medication to keep focused and sane, but at least I will be doing what I love.

 

I hope it happens.

ADD or what?

About six months ago I started seeing a therapist. I have been entertaining the possibility for a while now that I might have ADD (Attention deficit disorder). I have no problem thinking of a great project (like blogging), getting started on it... but then at some point I just kind of forget about it. I guess in the rush of the next great idea, I never give myself the time to finish my last great idea.

 

Sometimes it is not even projects, like right now. I am eating lunch... well, eating lunch isn't as easy as making sandwiches and eating time... oh no! I stared at the cupboard until I finally remember what I went to do, got out the bread, thought "i need a knife", turned, saw the dirty dishes and thought "I should empty the dishwasher and reload it", started that, remembered lunch, got mad at myself, went back and finished the sandwiches, put the knife in the sink and emptied and loaded the dishwasher, then ate one sandwich while working on the computer... then remembered I had made two of them, so got back up and grabbed the second one... which right now is sitting next to me half eaten!

 

I would go back to my doctor and tell him "please give me an ADD medication to try", but I just got a new job which means a new doctor, which means I have to start the process of diagnosis all over again with the new one! ARG!!!!