November

A very interesting November this has been.

First a very lonely and sad birthday that only a few friends remembered, then a fight with my housemate. Found a new guy… but I am hit and miss on how I feel about him, but at least unlike all the other guys, I have had more then one date. Then another fight with my housemate. Stressed about both jobs… tried to quit one, but my boss pleaded with me to stay. Another fight with the housemate. Now I am stressing about paying for this quarter’s tuition on the first. And now the housemate wants to “talk”… last time we “talked” he came into my room, my little piece of sanctuary, and chewed me out. So no, I will not have a “talk” with him. He can burn for all I care, I don’t want or need the added stress right now.

… I think I am having my midlife crisis about 15 years early. Oh, yea, there are still 4 days left in the month, but I doubt I can go with out being annoyed at my housemate.

We are alone, absolutely alone on this chance planet: and, amid all the forms of life that surround us, not one, excepting the dog, has made an alliance with us. - Maurice Maeterlinck

Denny's Guy

Some times I just hate myself...

So I went to Denny's last week for breakfast in the wee hours of the morning before going to work. I am helped by this really cute young guy who appears to be around my own age. Throughout my breakfast, anytime he needed to talk to me or serve me, it seemed as though he held eye contact for just a second or two longer then a normal straight guy would... could it be? Could I be lucky enough to be waited on by a cute young man who is bored to tears because he is ending his graveyard shift in less then half an hour? What was I to do? Can I approach him and pick up on him at his work place? What's the best way to do it?

It really was an awful scene, looking back on it. I had a line or a cute phrase ready and everything. Then as I was paying and it came time to use my little pickup line that I had thought so hard about over breakfast, I totally flaked out. Don't get me wrong, I did make small talk and I was polite... but I just didn't have the courage to say, "Here's my number, call me!", or "Hey, you want to hang out sometime?".

So in disappear and not knowing what to do, I decided to go back. Not knowing his schedule, but knowing that I went to eat last Wednesday, so going again today seemed like a good chance.... and I was right. Sure enough, I show up at 5:45am (told you it was early), and there he was. I knew he was off at 6:00, so I hurried though my meal so that I could have him cash me out before I left... and I fail again. Again, I manage to make the small talk but can't seem to get enough courage together to ask him out. Every idea I had from the previous week; sitting at the bar so I can talk to him better, or writing my number down for him ahead of time to make it easier to slip to him, I didn't implement... please, just shoot me now!

Jesse from Denny's, if you are out there, and if I am not wrong about you being 'family', send me a message and lets go out some time!

Hellish Drive Home

So I just experienced one of the worst drives home of my life. As if I don’t have enough stress already. I was cruising along with traffic on the freeway at a whopping 5 to 10 miles an hour when a semi truck started tailgating me. While he could plainly see I had no where to go, with cars in front and on each side, after about 15 minutes of tail gating he proceeded to flash his brights at me. If that didn’t make me nervous enough, after he saw that I wasn’t getting out of his way he followed behind me with his brights on though about an hour of hellish traffic. Once traffic did clear and he finally went around, I managed to get his operator number and trailer license plate number. I even went so far as to call it in to the authorities, but I doubt they will be able to do anything.

I consider myself a safe driver, but it takes all the energy I can muster to go though that hell everyday. I swear, once I am done with school, I will never live far from work, no matter how much they pay me.

Now I must retreat to the spa in order to relax enough to sleep before trying the gauntlet again tomorrow.

Dream Diary – The space dream

The space dream

This dream takes place here on earth, not too far into the future. Human kind has been contacted by another race, a race who is willing to share their space drives with us and who is willing to teach us how to fly their craft. As I sit there, I day dream about becoming a pilot and about finally being able to go to space. Of course I can fulfill this dream simply by signing up for the alien’s pilot school, which is readily accessible. Only, I recognize this feeling… it’s like the aliens have a sort of leash on us when we are using their drives. Since we don’t know all that there is behind their drives, we find that we are always in their dept and always dependent on them. While I sit there thinking about signing up I watch a space port, or actually a group of space ports, that are currently launching. These ports are the human ports, the ones that still use the older style human space craft… the rebels. These launches total to about 20 craft, all of whom are going across the sky at the same time. Truly awesome to watch these magnificent human craft soar across the sky. I realize that’s what I have been wanting… to feel that pull of multiple gravities holding me down, that roar in my ears from the engine, that completely human built machine pushing me forever upwards.

Dream ends with the thought that I could join this rebel group. Maybe first take the aliens pilot classes so that I could be cross-trained in both ship types, incase I ever need to fly one of theirs for some reason.

Thursday, March 14, 2002

Science Fiction

Science Fiction is my mold; it changes my life and forms my personality. It can make me laugh, cry or even be depressed. It lets me dream, by inspiring me and teaching me. It shows me the future side by side with the past, which sums up the present. Science Fiction may give me headaches thinking of the possibilities; but it makes me wonder if I am living a dream, with real life being the words on the page.

Saturday, April 25, 1998