A mix of emotions... needing to reach out...

A mix of emotions… needing to reach out…

I am feeling incredibly emotionally sensitive right now. The smallest thing can send this sad torrent of feelings rushing though me. I can name a dozen factors as to what it may be linked to, or more likely, all of them working together to put me in this state.

I find myself reaching out to old friends and trying to make new ones. Just looking for someone, anyone, to talk to… more then anything, I feel the need for some kind of companionship. Then I realize that it can’t be just anyone; it has to be that special someone. As time wears on, my barriers fall: sex, age, mutual interest. Finally I end up just looking for someone with whom I “click”. Only hoping that my realization that I have found the one, does not startle them and spook them off.

I find myself unable to focus on school, work, or any kind of personal life… instead focusing on taking care of that inner drive to find a companion. In the past, as I have found a possible someone, I find failure in the end: they are not single, I stupidly break it off, or they get a job and move.

I tell myself to stop looking and to focus on something else, but I can’t. I can’t suppress that drive, that desire, for someone else in my life.